Individual Assessment Questions

Individual Assessment Questions
We will begin with some basic background about your family. Who did you grow up with?
What was your parents’ relationship like? (Include step-parents or other caregivers if appropriate.)
Did they seem close?
Were they openly affectionate? How was love expressed?
How did they handle conflict? How were emotions expressed?
Did they resolve arguments and become close again?
Did they resolve arguments and become close again?
As a child, who were you closest to? Was there someone available to you if you needed comfort or reassurance? If you were scared or hurt? Who was it and how did he/she comfort you? Was it OK to talk about these vulnerable feelings?
Describe your relationship with your mother. What adjectives best describe your relationship with her when you were young.
Describe your relationship with your father. What adjectives describe your relationship with him when you were young.
In what ways did you feel valued as a child and by whom?
Describe the earliest separation from your parents. How were you helped through this?
Do you recall ever feeling rejected or abandoned? When? What was this like?
Do you recall ever feeling frightened? By whom? Were you offered any support? By whom?
What did you learn about marriage from your parents and other relatives growing up? How do you think your growing up experience has impacted your current relationship?
How would you describe your relationship with your parents today? Your siblings?
Who do you turn to now for comfort?
What coping strategies did you learn from childhood that you still count on today?
In what ways do you cope that are not so helpful to you?
What do closeness and intimacy mean to you? Can you get a felt sense of them in your body?
Are there any significant losses that you’ve experienced?
Are there any significant others outside of your marriage whom you go to for closeness and intimacy?
Are there times when you have reached for your partner and he/she hasn’t been there?
Have you ever been afraid for your safety?
Are there any ways that substance use by you or your partner impacts your connection?
What is your sexual relationship like? Is this something you want us to be talking about?
Is there anything I need to know before we all meet together, anything that might help me understand you a bit better or anything that could sabotage our work?